i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
