I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
