Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
