Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
