My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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