there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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