She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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