And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
