Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
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Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize