You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
