just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
