batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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