everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She bit a glass in half.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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