My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
