I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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