Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
