you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
