he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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