hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
