so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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