Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
