Who wears a wallet chain?!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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