And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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