toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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