and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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