I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
