i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
