so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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