I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Too much gin, very little bucket
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
