I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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