david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
