Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
