If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
