It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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