I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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