aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
