please come you make the beer taste better
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
