Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I party with great urgency now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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