I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
