I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
