I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
