The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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