i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
