i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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