I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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