i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
time to smoke my breakfast
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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