sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
