so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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