I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
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omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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