im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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