my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
