Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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