Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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