I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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