just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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