I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
