If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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