Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
