You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
