do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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