my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
