i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
