How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
