There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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