I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
