You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
