she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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