Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think your dad took our porno
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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