Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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