My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
