I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
