it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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