I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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