In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
