I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
