that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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